We tend to picture retirement as a single event: the last day, the farewell lunch, the (final) email to the team, and then the door closes. Now well into my fifth year of the ‘Encore Phase,’ I have come to believe that day is the least important part of the story. It is simply the doorway. The real transition happens in the months -and- years that follow.
If we treat retirement as an event, we check the box and expect to feel finished. If we treat it as a continuance, we give ourselves permission to adjust, to stumble, to learn -and- to keep growing.
We have been conditioned to think of retirement as a destination. Save enough, stay healthy, keep our friendships, and everything unfolds comfortably. That makes aging sound like a problem to be solved rather than a Life to continue living! Retirement is not the end of the race. It is the start of another go around!
Escaping the alarm clock, the commute and the meetings is a wonderful relief. However, after a few months, (or years), the novelty of the “permanent vacation” starts to wear off, and that quiet flatness can show up even when nothing is wrong. There is a reason. For decades our routines, roles and deadlines gave our days their rhythm without any effort from us. Take that away overnight and the brain loses its anchors. Please don’t read this as a failure. It’s a normal part of the process, -and- it is our signal to build the rhythm ourselves.
When the title disappears, who are we? Work often acts as a shield, keeping us from discovering who we truly are. The label we carried for so many years does not define us now. Letting go of it can be uncomfortable, but it opens the door to the person we are still becoming.
Travel and relaxing are all wonderful, but over time many of us discover they are not enough. The happiest retirees are not the ones who escape work. They are the ones who replace it with meaning: service, learning, mentorship, creativity, structure and purpose. Freedom isn’t simply the absence of obligation. It’s the presence of purpose.
Somewhere along the way we became certain about most things, and that certainty can quietly stop us from learning. The people who flourish stay curious, keep getting surprised by Life, and are willing to change their minds. Being a beginner again means being willing to fail, laugh at ourselves and start from scratch. It is worth it.
There is no “right” timeline for where we should be. Some days will feel like progress and some will not, -and- that is okay. But no deadline is not the same as no direction. An unmeasured Life is beautiful, and it still takes deliberate effort. Don’t delay, don’t make excuses, and don’t wait for some arbitrary “tomorrow.”
During the ‘Encore,’ simpler is better. Clear the emotional and physical clutter and let go of what isn’t working, so there is room for what will. My Son, (Justin), shared a line that has stuck with me: “change happens when the discomfort of not changing becomes greater than the discomfort of the change.” When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it’s time to let go so we can continue to grow.
Balance is key. We need time for ourselves, and we need our Family, our close Friends and our community. Even the small stuff needs some thought, like how the days will look with a spouse or partner at home, and how we each keep our independence. Talk about it -and- adjust as You go.
Life will not pause just because we retired. Unexpected moments will come. When they do, breathe, accept the reality, and keep moving forward. Please also take a moment to pause and appreciate how far You have come. We have been through a lot and grown a lot, -and- we need to give ourselves credit for the steps taken, so we can step forward again. Give yourself grace.
None of this is a philosophy we read once and magically understand. It is a lifelong pursuit that requires diligence, repetition and concentration. Small choices, made day after day, are what make the transition real, not the celebration on the last day of work.
So, if You are standing in the doorway of retirement, or a few years past it as I am, please be patient with yourself. You are not behind, and You are not finished. You are “ in process.”
Continue stepping forward in the ‘Encore Phase’ with enthusiasm and eagerness -and- please continue to take care of yourself, make the most of your days -and- always remember;
“Never quit searching, never settle and never give up seeking your greater purpose!“
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